Fireworks and Flames
by LoverOfTragedies
Summary: The quick flash of lights every New Year's. The vibrant colors and the cacophony filling the midnight skies with life. Staring above, I do hope that my life could be like that. But as always, it's just wishful thinking.


Fireworks and Flames

* * *

**A new page of everyone's life has begun…**

**Or has it?**

* * *

_**The colors, vibrancy and all, enthralled me**_

_**The flames dancing jocosely**_

_**I, too, will dance with it**_

* * *

It's New Year's today, and I don't like it. All this talk about change and all the crap. Such insensitive people.

The vivid and vibrant displays of the fireworks are the only things I look forward 's not like I have anything else to look forward to anyway. All the things I had left my grasp, and all I have left is despair.

The dancing lights on the midnight sky is what allures me. The bright flames of sparklers entice my attention. It's like I want to reach and grab them. Looking at the sky, all of my desires can be seen. To be free from this hypocritical world. Free from a world full of not only hypocrisy but also insensitivity. All these nonsense, I find annoying. And all these nonsense caused my despair anyway, so that's a reason why I hate it.

* * *

Time Skip, about three years and eleven months ago…

I know that life isn't fair to everyone, and knowing from the start that mine wasn't, I just had to accept it, fair and square. It's just that jealousy always found a way inside of me, and all I can do is be green with envy. Furious because other people are living happily while I fall little by little into despair.

Jealous of the people around me, I craved for loneliness. It's the only thing that placates my being. Sure, being alone isn't healthy for someone, especially if it would be a long-term thing, but for me, I disregarded that. I'd rather be alone that to walk the streets, filled with jealousy every step I take.

Living in a one-story house, I decided that it would be best if I just vacated one room, and would leave for only a short time for food, supplies and bills. I did online jobs just to be able to pay the bills, and somehow I enjoyed it. I wondered if it was the seclusion, or it was that I got to be paid for just being at home. Never mind that. At least I got a win-win for now.

Being stuck inside my house was somehow annoying for me, in a way that I could have just shrugged it off. But no, friends and family decided to pry open my life of seclusion. But I did not allow.

People knocking on my door, screaming on the top of their lungs, just to try to get me out of my room. But I did not comply with their request. One time, some friends of mine, so tired of me not answering them, barged in my house by breaking me doors. Surely, I was shocked immediately. Both mentally and psychologically. Mentally because people just suddenly broke in my house, and psychologically because I had company, in which I did not have for at least half a year.

Lukas, Berwald and Tino were the perpetrators of the whole "Operation: Tear Mathias' doors down". Unfazed, I just looked at them with dead blue eyes. Lukas was rampaging about, screaming at me for secluding myself. Berwald on the other hand, just grunted a few times, and Tino apologized profusely and made Berwald swear to replace the doors.

Not really wanting the company, I just ignored the noise and treated it as background music or something. I really wanted to be alone right now, but I have three people, that got themselves to stay here for some way I don't know. Dragging themselves into my house, they vacated the extra rooms my house had. Much to my annoyance, they told me that it would be for my good.

Not even replying to that, I just shrugged it off and went to my room. Only to find out that my way was blocked. By a very tall Swede who glared at me. Not giving a fuck, I pushed him out of the way, only to find him not budging at all. Muttering something under my breath, I just sighed and walked away.

Absentmindedly walking, I found myself in the kitchen. Thinking that I wanted sweets, I found Tino cooking some Finnish recipe. Acknowledging my presence, he smiles at me and greets me warmly. I just nodded and proceeded to get a small plate and fork, making my way to the fridge. Opening it, I grabbed some wienerbrød and heated it in the oven.

After five minutes or so, I removed my pastries in the oven, placed them on my plate, proceeded to the table and began to eat them slowly. Staring at the food, I contemplated imponderables, or something like that. By the time I was finished, a good hour has passed. Wanting to go back to my room, I proceeded with haste. Finding that there was no Swede on my way, I opened the door. Only to see it vacated by said Swede and Lukas. Inwardly, I was mad. I finally got to enter my room, only to find other people inside it.

Cursing inwardly, I politely asked them to leave my room. Only to find my request falling on deaf ears. Sighing, I grabbed my laptop and went outside of the room. Going to the living room, I sat on the sofa and proceeded to do my work. At least here I won't be disturbed by people flocking my space.

About two hours later, I felt sleepy and wanted to go to my room. Before going to my room, I bathed and changed my clothes. Feeling ready for bed, I went to my room. At least now I would be the only one in here. Placing my laptop down the nearby table, I went to the door to lock it. Feeling safe, I went to sleep. At least in my dreams, my life would be alright.

Daybreak came, and as sleepy as I am, I did not want to get out of bed. But to my surprise, Berwald was already inside my room, about to shake me awake. Screaming (not like a girl *bleh*), I hid under the covers. Who wouldn't be afraid when you wake up and suddenly a giant angry Swede is at your face?!

Said Swede, unfazed by my reaction, decided to get me out of bed. Carrying me like I'm a child, he strode out of the room. I complained about the treatment. It's not like I have to do anything at 7 AM in the morning. I usually do my stuff at 9.

Placing me on the carpet of my house, I was greeted by an annoyed Lukas and a friendly Tino. Hearing something about breakfast, I saw Tino make his way to my kitchen. Meanwhile, Lukas was staring at me. Like he was trying to search me for answers. Not affected by his stare, he decided to do something else and grabbed a book to read. With relief, the only monster I have to face for now is Berwald. Seeing that he was eating his breakfast in the dining room, I had to slowly get my food from Tino and tip-toe my way to my room.

Surely, my day went by boringly. My movements in the house restricted because of the three. I became psychologically tired of things, so I sought sleep. Only to find out that these would repeat for months to come.

* * *

Another Time Skip, to June 5!

It's my birthday. Hooray? Not really sure if I'm supposed to be happy right now. I'm so tired to be happy. It's like the three never left my house! Sighing, I tried going back to sleep, only to find out that I was already flipped by a weird Berwald, grunting about something.

Knowing that Berwald won't let me go back to sleep, I just got out of bed and groggily walked to the dining room. Slumping on the chair, and my head on the table, I was literally sleepy. I almost fell asleep on the table, but I was greet by a loud noisemaker from Tino, exclaiming his joys on my birthday.

Really?! Just really?! Hmph. I'm sleepy and I get a loud noise to the face, along with a cheeky smile? Great. Just great. Rolling my eyes upon the sarcasm, I just grunted. Wanting this to stop, I tried blocking out everyone else.

Everything dragged on a blur. The rest of the day went agonizingly weird. I didn't get to celebrate my birthday like how I wanted it to be.

Oh well. Nothing did ever go my way anyway, and today will be no exception to that. Sighing, I looked at my clock, seeing that it was already late, I prepared for bed. At most 30 minutes, I was ready. Ready to go back to the world I keep on jumping in every time my eyes close. At least there, I could celebrate my birthday my way.

Daybreak once again peers through the blinds of my room. Yawning, I got out of bed early. It's his birthday now, and at most, I need to at least give him something for his birthday. Seeing that the rest of them were still sleeping, I went to the kitchen to prepare baking a cake.

Getting the ingredients, I heard a door squeaking. Afraid it would be Berwald, I rushed silently to the source of the sound, only to find a sleepy Tino walking the halls. Saying a small hi to him, I asked for his silence. Understanding why, he went back to sleep. At least that would be a distraction to Berwald.

I need to make this cake fast. They would wake up at most one hour and a half later. Preparing the cake, frosting and toppings is hard, if I would do this alone, but I needed Tino to be with Berwald for a while. Sighing, I mentally hoped that Berwald would like it. Or else my efforts would be wasted. Deciding to make a circle cake, I poured the cake mix on the pan and set it to bake for 30 minutes or so.

Now for the frosting. Deciding to make the colors similar to his flag, I grabbed my food colorings, the blue and yellow. Making separate frostings, I then went on coloring the frostings with the said colors for the cake.

For the toppings, I decided to make it simple. Some chestnuts and strawberries here and there, a few pinches of sprinkles and a huge ass candy diamond I had managed to buy a few days ago.

Ting! There goes the cake! It's now done and I have to put frosting on this cake pronto! Putting on the first layer of blue, my hand was racing with time. I had at least 10 minutes left to finish decorating this cake. Finding the willpower to finish this, I was exhausted afterwards. Rushing the cake, only to find it quite elegant in the end. Proud of my work, I signed the cake with some leftover frosting with our names and blessings. Leaving it on the table, I cleaned up my mess and rushed to my bed quietly. I have to pretend sleeping for this, or I will fall back to la-la-land.

Five minutes later, I was greeted by a Berwald whose face tries to form a smile, who wanted to flip me out of bed. Shocked by his actions, I knew that I needed to get out of bed. Stretching for a while, I made my way to the kitchen. Seeing that Tino finished preparing for a small party for us, I was angrily ushered by Lukas to sit down and at least enjoy Berwald's birthday.

Complying with his request, albeit it was forced to me, I sat down and asked Tino about some cake. Pretending that I did not know about it, he told me that there was one in the fridge. Rushing to get it, I almost tripped in front of the fridge, save for the fact that my hand was on the handle by the time I almost tripped, so I was saved from the fall.

Getting the cake out of the fridge, I went on slowly, not wanting the cake to be ruined. When I reached the dining hall, I greeted Berwald with a genuine smile and a "Happy Birthday". Placing his cake down, I asked him if he liked it. A grunt was the response, but it was not his normal grunt, and I took it as a "yes".

At least that's out of the way. Now to deal with the rest of things. As boring as it is, this is how my day would go, except it is someone's birthday, so I have to disregard them for now.

Ah… So tiring… Oh well. At least nothing happened for now. Sitting down the bed, I feel somehow relieved for today. Everything went well for Berwald. As I lie down my bed, I look at the ceiling, feeling happy, genuinely happy. Falling asleep, I fell into a dreamless sleep. Peaceful and tranquil, I might say.

The next day, now that was hell. I accidentally tripped on the carpet, and splashed some scalding hot coffee on Berwald. Seeing that I managed to piss the guy off just after his birthday, he just grunts in annoyance, but his glare tells me otherwise. Scared, I almost pissed myself, and I ran away from Berwald. Telling Tino about the accident, he warned me not to approach Berwald for a while, and the warning I took very well. Tip-toeing every time I pass by Berwald, I had to hurriedly make my way past him because I'm still afraid of the accident.

And again, as clumsy as I am, I managed to repeat the events again, after 5 hours or so. Super scared, I immediately fainted on the spot. The things that happened next, all I don't know. Waking up next to Berwald, I almost screamed my heart out. He was staring at me. If that wasn't scary, then what wouldn't be?

Mother-henned by Tino, I was assured that things could be somehow alright, as I thought that Berwald was still mad about the accidents and Tino would act as our mediator. Sighing in relief, Tino then asked my condition, then asked Berwald's. His only response was a grunt, but to me, it was some form of threat to my well-being.

Knowing that things could get out of way, I told Berwald I was sorry, even if my legs were shaking and I was stuttering with every letter I had to say. He grunted, again. I just hoped that he would be mad at me.

Passing the day without experiencing a hint of Berwald's anger, I dismissed my fear of having Berwald go crazy on me. Filled with relief, I had slept again in a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Time Skip, to at least 3 months (again? -_- )

I was working in my room, trying to finish them. Then some noise came from the kitchen. Rushing to see what had happened, I saw Tino shuffling over the floor, picking up the bits and pieces of a broken glass. Somehow concerned about Tino, I asked him what happened and helped him clean up the mess. Seeing that he was somehow overworked, I asked him to rest a bit and that I would do some of his chores for him.

Doing his chores, I clean the rooms, made lunch, and prepared the table. Glad at my work, I took a short bath, just to cool off, and called the others for lunch. Berwald came first, wondering on why I was present and not his "dearest" Tino. Lukas was next, somehow annoyed at the fact that I cooked lunch. Tino did not show up, so I went on to check on him. Entering his room silently, I saw that Tino was lying down on bed. Checking him up, I placed my hand on his forehead and found out that he had a fever, and a bad one too. Telling him to rest, I went back to the dining room to tell the Tino was sick.

I spent the whole day taking care of him, you know? That would be my only way of saying thanks for helping me with taking care of the house, and I did so gladly and with no sliver of reparations whatsoever.

**Again, I slept in a dreamless sleep. Smiling softly as I snore my way out to daybreak.**

**I do hope this continues for a very long time.**

Waking up when daybreak came, I immediately went to check Tino's condition, only to find him softly sleeping. Placing my hand again on his forehead, I was relieved that his fever had gone down during the night. Hoping that it would go down further, I went my way to the kitchen to fix him some soup. Checking that I was low on food, I made whatever I had available for him. Finishing what I made, I set it down the table and made a small note beside it. Then I went to my room, getting some clothes and my wallet. Going out of the house again, I locked all possible entrances from the inside, before locking the main door, because the three were still asleep.

Making my way to the market, it sure was hard. It was scorching hot after a few minutes had passed since I left home, and I scurried to the market, only to find the market crowded. Literally crowded. It took me 3 hours to finish shopping due to the amount of people.

As I was walking, I overheard some people gossiping about some house that burned to the ground. Shrugging off the gossip, I made my way back to my house.

_**Only to find that my house was the one that burnt to the ground.**_

Shocked at the sight, I was more worried if my siblings made it alive. Asking people what happened, they told me that three people were hurrying out of the house, one was limping, one was bloodied, and the last was literally running.

I figured that the one who was limping was Tino, since he was sick before I left home. I guess Lukas was running for dear life, and Berwald was the bloodied one.

Rushing to get my phone out of my pocket, I immediately contacted Berwald, to check if they were alright. To my relief, he answered the phone, telling me about some crazy person who tried robbing my place, only to find Lukas awake.

Rushing to the details, that I won't tell you, he was somehow scared that they almost died. Telling them to calm down, I assured them that it would be alright.

_**Until I felt a pain in my chest.**_

Falling to the ground due to the pain, I figured out that I was shot, and by the same person who burned my house down. Hearing some screaming on the other line of the phone, I told Berwald to help me, telling him, stifled, that I was shot and was in front of the house.

_**The next things that happened, I don't know. I blacked out before help arrived.**_

* * *

Opening my eyes, I found myself inside a hospital room. Still stifled slightly, I found Tino sleeping on a nearby couch. How long was I out anyway? I don't know. I somehow managed to say Tino's name. Hearing a small grunt from the little man, I called him again, straining my voice, just to elicit his attention.

Seeing that he was slowly waking up, I called him once more. Shocked by the discovery that I woke up, he immediately called Berwald and Lukas outside. It seems like they just arrived a good few minutes ago. Being reprimanded by a worried Lukas, I felt relief that I was somehow alive. Asking them on how long I was asleep, they told me that it was 2 weeks since I was rushed to the hospital. And telling me sad news, they told me that the gunshot that I got from the incident pierced the artery that connected the heart to my right lung, and because of that, I would be stifled every now and then, and that I cannot do my normal everyday stuff.

Shocked by the discovery, I was full of denial. Screaming profanities, I was crying. It was not fair. I just began enjoying life again, and here I am, on a hospital bed, forced to be somehow bedridden for a lifetime.

Getting delusional every second that passed, I asked them if it was a joke. Until they showed me the hospital records that were on the table. Reading them, it was the coup de grâce. It was those words on the paper that brought me to my harsh reality.

_**I would never get to enjoy life again.**_

* * *

Back to the present

Staring out of the window of my room, I wondered why so many people are excited every New Year's. I can't digest the fact that the excitement over change, for the better, should be overwhelmingly wanted. I know that my life won't change for the better, and that I would be stuck here forever.

My only wish is to dance with the flames that supposedly burnt my house, and my life. To dance with them. Until all that remains are my ashes and my disappointments in life.

* * *

**A.N.: Hello! LoverOfTragedies here! I made a new fic, out of whim, and I think that this isn't really what I would be proud of.  
I do hope that you'd like this! Read and review!  
~LoverOfTragedies**


End file.
